


And There's the Tea

by DarkWoods



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humour, I'm sorry but Aomine is too easy to pick on, Kise is Extra, Momoi Owns These Boys and They Know it, Swearing, Tea Parties, The GOM Being Petty af, in this house we love and appreciate Momoi, look me in the eyes and tell me they arent petty bitches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 02:51:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16031441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkWoods/pseuds/DarkWoods
Summary: After all the hard times, the least they could do is have one girls day for her sake.Or,Who need to watch a British dramedy when you have friends like these.





	And There's the Tea

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back! Out if all the WIP I've been slowly working on, I can't believe this is the first one to be completed lmao. 
> 
> I don't quite remember what we were talking about to inspire this, but I know that I love this hot mess of a story. 
> 
> Most of their outfits are up to your imagination beyond what I describe. Just know that Aomine is a Mess through everyone's collective efforts.

“Mukkun, stop eating all the cakelettes!” Chides Momoi, and while her left hand swats his larger one away from the plates, the liquid inside the teacup held by her right hardly stirs.

Murasakibara rubs his hand with a pout. “But I made most of them…”

Akashi lowers his cup from his cherry-red lips. “Tetsuya prepared the tea, Shintaro provided the fine china, Ryouta provided our attire, and I was gracious enough to host this teatime luncheon in my garden. We’ve all put in an effort to enjoy this afternoon, so we should all get to reap the benefits equally.” He explains before taking another dainty sip of his tea, leaving nary a smudge on it’s rim. Quite unlike Aomine, who’s left messy plum coloured lip marks all around his cup’s edges.

“What about Mine-chin? He didn’t do anything.” Murasakibara eyes the remaining food on the slacker’s plate from across the table, completely ignoring the defensive glare he gets in response.

Kise scoffs behind his fluttering lace fan. “You should be used to pulling Aominecchi’s weight by now, that freeloader hardly helped set the table.”

Aomine growls, lipstick marking his front teeth as if he’d bitten into a crayon. “Hey! I kept Satsuki out of the kitchen! Do you know how hard it is to stop that woman when she wants to do something?! I saved your lives!”

Momoi narrows her eyes, and even with the barrier of her little peach hat’s ruffled veil, her gaze still screams danger. Midorima clears his throat to gain their attention. “Might I remind you all that at these types of events we are expected be behave in a civilized manner?”

“Midorima-kun is right,” Kuroko nods, his floppy white sun hat wobbling with the motion. “You’re supposed to be passive-aggressive if you want to fight. And might I say that you look rather fetching in that hat.” He adds with a placid smile.

Midorima scowls as he adjusts the neon orange cap on his head. He knows Kise could’ve brought him a different colour.

“I still don’t get why we have to wear dresses and all this garbage on my face.” Aomine grumbles, the shoulders of his hot pink dress pulling taught as he petulantly crosses his arms.

Momoi sighs, absently moving the plate of finger sandwiches further from Murasakibara’s reach after he had already grabbed four. “Well if you really don’t like it, you’re free to join Haizaki-kun at the servant’s table.” They all spare a moment to stare at the only one who’s wearing a suit, yet also the only one sitting at a low table with colourful plastic utensils. With the way his legs are almost to his chest it would be more apt to describe it as the kiddy table; quite fitting with the way he sits there petulantly. He pointedly avoids looking at them as he slurps from his uncapped sippy cup of iced tea.

Aomine chuckles at the sight. “As funny as that is, I think I might prefer it. This stupid thing is itchy and uncomfortable.”

“That wouldn’t be a problem if you arranged the skirt properly. It’s bunched up high enough for anyone to see as much as they like.” Midorima chastises, pulling up the neckline of the orange eyesore he’s wearing as if to make sure he himself is still decent.

“It sounds as though you’ve taken quite the eyeful Shintaro,” Akashi notes with amusement. The accused blushes a bright red and stutters out an incoherent response.

Murasakibara leans on the table, the curled ringlets of his fair falling in his face before he brushes them back. “Mido-chin’s a pervert.”

Midorima visibly recoils at the statement with all the offense of a slandered maiden. “I would never - while I agree that this charade is rather ridiculous, you should still make the effort to maintain a dignified appearance!”

Haizaki scoffs and leans back, his weight threatening to snap his little chair into pieces. “What about this is dignified? I literally watched Aomine try to shove two grapefruits down his shirt when we got here.”

Midorima looks at his half-eaten fruit salad with horror. “You did what with the grapefruit?!”

Aomine shrugs. “If I was going to wear a dress, I figured I should at least get boobs too.”

“That’s disgusting! I know for a fact that you didn’t shower before we got here!” Midorima pushes his bowl away with a fork.

Aomine rolls his eyes and grabs a piece from it with his bare hands. “Geez drama queen, all the germs are on the rind anyways, it’s fine. Besides, Kise is way worse than me, he brought his own.”

“Actually,” Kise cuts in with a smug tone, “My sister was kind enough to lend me her drag accessories and do my makeup, so these are leagues above your melons.” He finishes with a smirk, adjusting his faux bosom. Rather than continuing an argument he’s not quite sure he wants to win, Aomine rubs his eyes tiredly. No one feels the need to inform him that he’s surpassed a _Smokey Eye_ look and now resembles a raccoon.

Momoi shakes her head. “You really didn’t need to go all out, but as long as you’re having fun.”

“And are you having fun Satsuki?” Inquires Akashi.

She hums a joyful affirmation. “Tons! Again, thank you guys for doing this, it means a lot.”

Kuroko smiles gently, placing a hand on top of hers. “Thank you Momoi-san for always standing by us and helping us grow.”

“Thanks for waking me up this morning, I guess,” grumbles Aomine. Momoi graciously pretends not to hear his yowl of pain when both Kuroko and Akashi kick him under the table. “...and for always having my back. It means a lot too.”

Akashi raises his cup. “A toast – to Momoi Satsuki; and her feats of deliberate design to create miracles.”

The lady of the hour blushes as cups clink in her honour, and they all fill with a warmth that permeates far deeper than a hot drink. Kise attempts to refill his cup, yet nothing but a fewlingering drops of orange pekoe roll out of the teapot. While batting his long false eyelashes he looks to Haizaki and says sweetly, “Excuse me, waiter? More tea please! What are we feeling? Is everyone alright with jasmine?”

Haizaki growls, throwing down his plastic fork with an unsatisfactory lack of cacophony as it gently clatters against his equally fake plate. “Get your own shit you cake-faced bitch!”

Kise sucks in a horrified gasp while everyone else snickers at his expense. “You- you take that back, you- I will have words with your manager! I will demand your job as compensation, how dare you!” He hisses.

Haizaki snorts. “Calm your tits before your wig flies off, there’s a pot of honey lemon right by carrot top.”

“Actually,” Momoi cuts in with a singsong voice, “Now that Ki-chan put it in my mind, I think I do want some jasmine tea.”

Haizaki stills, his previous scowl morphing into an expression of conflicting thoughts. Momoi gives him little time to consider his option when she adds, “While Haizaki-kun is pondering how to improve his customer service, why don’t I show you all something rather interesting.” No one at the table knows what she’s prepared to pull out of her little handbag, but it’s the least of their worries as Haizaki springs to his feet, knocking his little table and spilling his cup in his hast to get the tea.

“Fuck!” He growls as he throws a cloth overtop of it, then stomps off to do her bidding.

Murasakibara perks up. “Hey, get more of those tasty cakes too.” He calls after him.

Kuroko stares at the sopping mess left behind. “This is why we can’t have nice things.”

“This is why he can’t have real dishes,” Corrects Midorima.

“Why was he even invited?” Asks Aomine.

“Why were you even invited?” Counters Murasakibara.

Aomine turns a glare on him. “Because people actually like me?”

Without a word of warning in advance, somehow everyone else at the table manages to chorus the response, “Debatable.”

Kise blinks in surprise. “Huh, I guess he kinda brings us all together.”

“I hate all of you.”

Momoi giggles. “If it makes you feel better, I’m glad I got to do someone’s makeup myself.”

Aomine frowns. “I look like a clown.”

Akashi let’s out a contemplative hum with the air of someone about to say something brutal. “Well, you know what they say. You can put lipstick on a pig...” he trails off.

“Oh fuck you. If you weren’t always held on a pedestal I doubt you’d be tall enough to reach puberty.” Snaps Aomine.

Kuroko eyes him with displeasure. “I also take offense to that.”

“Can you even see over one?” Murasakibara has the audacity to ask.

As Midorima is forced to restrain Kise from lunging over the table to fight for Kuroko’s honour, Momoi sighs to herself. “This. This is why we can’t have nice things.”

**Author's Note:**

> They quickly devolve into a food fight. In the midst of the chaos Haizaki takes Momoi purse and runs, not realizing that she made copies.
> 
> Rumour has it that Murasakibara would never walk after Kuroko took out his kneecaps. Aomine was never heard from again.
> 
> ~~Did I hint that Kise has a trans sister? I sure did.~~


End file.
